We live on a planet populated by over 7 billion people.
Each a unique spirit that came forth to this planet to experience contrast in order to establish a set of unique preferences which will aid in the expansion of the Universe.
In other words, each of us is here for a different reason to create a unique life with a unique set of preferences.
The next time you go to a grocery store or a shopping mall with a busy parking lot, just look around and notice all the different cars parked in their spots.
Why are all the cars different?
I mean as humans, shouldn’t we have already figured out which one of the thousands of cars available out there is the BEST car?
Shouldn’t we have at least figured out which COLOR is the best color?
Why is there still so many different types of cars out there in 2015? Why haven’t we figured out what the best option is and just all agreed to go with that option?
The reason is because we are ALL unique and all different, and our lives are different and our needs, desires and preferences are all different.
Intuitively, we all know this to be true.
But then if we’re all unique and different then why do we spend so much time and energy worrying about what other people think!?
This short video clip from Abraham / Hicks offers some great insight:
The interesting part that I really like from this video is how Abraham mentions that our well-meaning parents spent our childhood slowly but surely CONVINCING us that our happiness depended on pleasing them.
In other words, when we did things that pleased our parents, they applauded us, cheered us on, gave us positive attention and flowed love towards us.
And when we did things that were not pleasing to our parents, they yelled at us, scolded us, gave us negative attention and held back love from us.
They did this so that they could “steer” us away from danger and hurt and towards safety, as frankly we were still much too naive and inexperienced to be able to think for ourselves.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with this – it’s called parenting.
When we were young children we would often disagree with our parent’s opinions when we wanted something and we would try to think for ourselves.
Our parents would say “Don’t touch the oven, you’ll burn your hands!” and what would we do?
We would think they’re full of crap, and we would want to touch the oven.
Then we would touch the oven and we would burn our hands and then run crying to our parents, and they would say “I told you so! You need to LISTEN to me! I know what’s BEST for you!” as they consoled us.
Slowly but surely we would be conditioned to think that our parents knew what’s best for us and that we are often mistaken when we think we know what’s best for us.
Once that line of thinking was ingrained in our minds we would go to school, where we would meet our teachers and the whole process would begin again.
At first we would rebel against our teachers, but slowly over time we would be conditioned to the fact that THEY know what’s best for us.
We would be taken to the doctor’s office and again we would be taught that the doctor knows what’s best for us as well.
And the truth is that as children, these well-intentioned adults probably DID know what was better for us than we knew for ourselves – IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS!
If it wasn’t for them, we probably would have DIED by now doing all the stupid things that popped into our heads. 🙂
Sticking a fork in the electric socket? Yeah sure, that sounds like a great idea!!! 🙂
See my point?
… but the thing is that we are not children anymore. We are now adults and we have our own built-in “Emotional Guidance System” / Intuition and it is now mature and when we connect to it properly, *IT* is the true essence of us that knows what’s best for us – not our parents, our teachers our siblings or anyone else.
NOBODY knows what’s best for you except YOU and YOUR inner essence.
We all know this, but very often people still ask me…
“Paul, I don’t know why, but I still worry about what other people think… I try to write a Blog post but then I’m scared to publish it because I’m worried about what others might think…”
or
“Paul, I shot this video and I was going to upload it to YouTube, but then I got this like crazy fear of what people might think of me! I don’t get it. Why do I care so much what people think of me!?”
Well, the truth is that the reason why you CARE is because for the first 18 years of your life you were PROGRAMMED / CONDITIONED with a program that could essentially be reduced down to this statement:
“Do what pleases your parents, teachers, friends, society or you MIGHT DIE! You don’t want to DIE do you!?”
Of course it wasn’t stated in this way, with this type of extreme language, but that is essentially how we were programmed.
Again, when we did things that pleased our parents, we were given what we wanted, positive attention, love and affection.
And when we did the opposite we received the opposite.
Couple that with the fact that our very DNA is programmed with the programming that in order to survive we must be a part of the PACK / HERD, otherwise if we are expelled form the PACK / HERD we will be alone in the wilderness and then we will die!
Is it any wonder that we grow up to be adults who can’t think for ourselves without worrying about what others might think, and we can’t even do something as SIMPLE as writing a Blog post or shooting a video and uploading it to YouTube?
See, before you write that blog post and publish it…you’re part of your HERD.
You’re part of the PACK.
Safe!
But what if you click that publish button, and write that Blog post, where you share YOUR truth, with all the positive intentions that you may have… and then what if the HERD / PACK rejects you!
You might die!
Well, not really… but that is what the child inside of you has been programmed with.
It took me TWO DAYS to publish my first Blog post.
I wrote it, and re-wrote it and printed it out and read it over and over again and I was CONCERNED!
“What if people think this is stupid?”
“What if my boss reads this?”
“What if my co-workers read this and make fun of me?!”
“What if … what if… what if!!!!”
And finally I DID publish that post. And I didn’t die!
Then I published another, and another, and another.
And slowly but surely I eliminated my fear of what people think…
… I write my Blog posts with ease now because I don’t really care what others think.
Of course I want *SOME* people (ie. my target market) to get value from my blog posts, but I don’t care what people think of ME for writing the posts.
That is one of the most precious gifts and benefits you can get from blogging.
The GIFT of slowly and gently growing more and more confident in your ability to NOT GIVE A SHIT what the rest of the HERD/PACK thinks of you!
So when people say to me “Paul, how do I overcome this constant WORRY I have of what others think of me!?”
My answer is simple…
KEEP BLOGGING!
As you Blog, you’ll start to get followers and people telling you how much value they get from your Blog posts…
… and also at the same time you’ll start getting some “haters”.
This is normal! Don’t freak out when you get a “hater”.
All it means is that you’re doing the right things.
It means that you’re polarizing your blog audience, which is exactly what you want.
Let me give you an example…
One of the qualities of my target market is that my target market takes 100% responsibility for their lives.
People who try to blame others for things that go wrong in their lives are NOT my target market.
So when people like that arrive on my Blog, they usually become my “haters”, and that’s okay because I’m not here to help those types of people.
For example, I once had a lady email me blaming me for the fact that her 12 year old son was on her computer / Internet, and he came across my Blog where I had said the word “crap” and she didn’t appreciate me exposing her son to such vulgar language.
She actually emailed me saying that!
LOL!
I kindly pointed her towards my terms and conditions where I clearly state that anyone who is under 18 should NOT be reading my site as heck, from time to time I might say something as vulgar as the word “CRAP” (gasp!), but at the same time it boggled my mind as to how naive this lady was…
… she was giving her 12 year old son UNRESTRICTED access to a computer with a full Internet connection and the thing she was worried about exposing him to was my blog saying the word CRAP?!!!
Seriously!? Has she not seen what’s on the Internet?!
Not only that, but does she really think that the worst word her son has heard growing up and going to school as a 12 year old is the word “crap”?
My point though is that as I kept blogging, and my audience grew, from time to time I would get these comments or emails from “haters” and they come in all shapes and sizes. 🙂
But the cool thing is that as you KEEP BLOGGING, you start to build confidence and these types of opinions of others begin to matter less and less and less to you…
… and that is where TRUE FREEDOM starts to spring from in your life.
Because just think about it…
… imagine if you have ALL the money in the world… like let’s say you won the lottery…
… and imagine you had ALL the time in the world…
… and you thought that those things would give you FREEDOM…
… but you hadn’t yet overcome your fear of what others think of you…
How free would you really be?
You wouldn’t be free at all, would you!!!???
You’d just be a retired, rich person who was still like a little CHILD… spending every day of their life worrying about what others think of them!
Sometimes people say to me “Paul, yeah…I don’t know if Blogging is for me… I don’t know if I’m comfortable posting my thoughts online… I worry too much what people think… that’s why I’m thinking of starting this business over here… I think I can make a lot of money with it, and I don’t have to Blog and worry about being judged.”
Really?
And let’s say you DO make a lot of money with “THAT” business over there… will you really be FREE if you still stay up at night worrying about what others think of you?
That’s not freedom.
True freedom comes from honoring the child inside of you who didn’t know what was best for you in certain situations growing up, and at the same time letting that child go, and allowing the ADULT version of you to come forth and to start thinking for yourself and NOT worrying what the “HERD” thinks of you.
That is the only way you’ll ever be free.
You can’t be free if you continue to live your entire life trying to please everyone around you, somehow expecting to derive happiness from that.
So what’s the best way to take one tiny little step forward towards overcoming your fear of what others think of you?
Start a blog and write your first post.
Then publish another.
Then publish another.
…
Great info Paul, this is exactly how I felt before I published my first blog post. It’s amazing how taking the first step of putting myself out there changed things for me. My confidence shot through the roof almost overnight. I certainly still have some fears, especially when it comes to videos, but this post really puts those to rest. Thanks again for your invaluable perspective!
You’re welcome. Glad it helped you out.
Dear Paul
Your post really encouraged me to write.
I’ll a person who loves to write and read, but as you said , sometimes I get the fear that my audience won’t understand me. But then I realized I must be the one controlling the situation. As long as it’s something from my heart, as long as it matters to me, then I’ll write, and let people know my real character. That is the best thing as I believe. Thanks for your help.
You can do it Ghadeer!